Isn't it ironic

That within blogger, the word "blog" is not recognized in the spell check?

This is just bloody brilliant!

Found this out on the Intarweb-thingy today:

BRITAIN IS REPOSSESSING THE U.S.A.

A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of America :

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters and the suffix -ize will be replaced by thesuffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize'. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

6. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) -- roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as Beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent ( i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

John Cleese

Future Me

I just ran across an interesting website this afternoon, called Future Me. Its a site that lets you write a letter/email to yourself, and select a certain point in time in the future to send it.

For example, you could write an email to send to yourself a day, week, month or years into the future. Seems like a slick idea. Not exactly sure how you could use it, but I think that's pretty much up to you.

Man, how things have changed...

...since my last entry. The whole job situation has shaken itself out, although not quite to my original expectations. But first, let me back up a little.

I've spent the past few years working as a contractor, on site at a large (unnamed) corporation's site here in Boise. Earlier this year they decided to make the job that I do a regular, full time position. So, of course I had to interview for the job that I was already doing (makes perfect sense), which consisted of telling the "interviewers" what I do on a regular basis. The real kicker came when I found out that, after all that, they decided to offer the job to someone else!

So now, I've had to train my replacement, while at the same time look for a new job. On one hand, its given me a little kick in the ass to get out there and find something else, but on the other hand, what a stupid freaking move! I'm going to walk out the door one day and never come back, and they'll be up shit creek without a paddle because, even after training the replacement, I'm still the only one who really knows how to do the job.

Sucks to be them.

Do I feel bad about thinking that way? You decide...

It's a comin'

The leaves have started to turn.
Evenings are a little cooler.
There's even frost on the grass from time to time.

Yes - changes, they are a coming.

A cog in the wheel

That's kind of how I feel at work these days, like I'm a very small cog in a very very large corporate wheel.

I've known this for a long time, but its no longer content just sitting in the back of my head. I need to do some kind of meaningful work. The majority of the jobs that I've held in my adult life have been those where I could see some sort of result of the effort that I put forth. My current job -- nope. Its as though the work that I do just goes into this giant black hole that is the large corporation, and I have to do it all over again the following month.

Maybe its because I've answered the same questions over and over and over and over again for the past three years. Or maybe its because I do the same things month after month after month. Either way, I'm amazed that I still have any hair left.

"So go get a new job" you might think. Yeah, I'd think that too. The problem, of course, is that I get paid fairly well to do what I do. I've gotten used to the income, and the benefits that come with it, including having a little extra free time to spend with my family. I'm not afraid to work, mind you -- I've had more than one job at a time for the better part of the past decade. I'd just like to think that at some point I can get to the point that I don't have to do that.

It will get better, I know it will. I just have to get through right now.

Just exactly where

Did summer go? Last I remember it was the middle of June, now all of a sudden its the end of August!

Holy Crap!

I love my life

I just hate my job.

Is it a bad sign?

Is it a bad sign that, while walking around at work lately, I just want to throw a well-placed elbow right into the people with the sour looks on their faces? Or am I just noticing it more and more these days because I really need to find a new job?

When did it happen?

It hit me last weekend like a ton of bricks. Somewhere, sometime, and without me really noticing, I grew up and became an adult. Not some carefree twenty-something college graduate or the like, but a full-fledged honest-to-god adult.

The real kicker was when I sat down to pay a few bills, one of which was a magazine subscription. Back in the aforementioned carefree days, it was not uncommon for me to write checks for subscriptions to Playboy or Maxim. On this particular day, however, I was writing a check for a two-year renewal to Better Homes & Gardens. That, along with Parents, are now the magazine staples around the Harrison house.

Oh yeah, and I also turned 31 a few weeks ago.

Once again, Holy Crap!

Its freaking hot outside. Here in beautiful Boise, Idaho, we are well into I don't know how many days in a row of triple digits. All I can say is thank God for air conditioning!

Holy Crap!

Its been a month since my last post here. You'd think that I've been busy or something...

Let the hijinks begin...

So Sunday morning I was looking for the remote to the DVD/VCR player. Searched all over the house, but it was nowhere to be found. No big deal, I thought -- Payton has, on more than one occasion, taken off with the remote, only to have it turn up in another room later in the day.

The day goes along, and still no remote.

We're getting into the evening now, and I happened to notice that the toilet in the bathroom is draining very slowly. Not thinking much of it, I got the plunger and started working to see if I could get it flowing correctly again. Left it for a while, and came back to work on it again. Still slow.

Sam suggested that I use an old wire hanger as a snake of sorts to see if there was something blocking part of the drain. And, knowing my son, it wouldn't be out of the question for him to drop a pacifier into the toilet (he's done it before). I got a hanger, started fishing around, but never really felt anything. As I was pulling it back out of the drain, however, I happened to notice something just past the curve of the bowl. So, I reached down in there (yes, the toilet does get cleaned on a regular basis...) and pulled out...yep, you guessed it:

The remote control.

As it turns out, Payton got a hold of it and dropped it down the toilet. Neither Sam or I noticed, and there it sat, just out of view. For how long, you ask? Well, I'm not quite sure, but at least half a day. That'll teach us to leave the bathroom door open!

As a footnote to the story, however, I cracked the remote open, dried it all out, put new batteries in, and the damned thing still works!

Getting a little dusty

Its getting a little dusty around here. High time I stop by, add a new post and stir things up a bit more.

Okay, that's all I've got for now.

Why I Do What I Do

Is it for fame? No.
Is it for fortune? No (although fortune would be nice).

Its for him:


And for her:

I knew all that time in school would pay off someday

Nerds Make Better Lovers

On This Day

1804 - The first recorded meteorite falls in Possil, Scotland (High Possil Meteorite).

from Wikipedia

I've been here

Here's where I've been over the years - how about you?

Courtesy of the Visited States Project on douweosinga.com.

I want one

With the "Man Card" still firmly placed in my wallet, I have to say that this is pretty cool!
(courtesy of AdPulp)

About Podcasting

So I've been producing a podcast for a couple of months now, for the Funny Bone Comedy Club here in Boise. I've been meaning to add something about the show here, but quite frankly have been too damn lazy to do it until now.

From here on out, however, you'll find a feed from the podcast feed (a feed from the feed from the show -- makes sense, huh) on the right-side menu. Give it a listen, and if you like what you here, by all means subscribe to the show!

Better late than never

Yeah, better late than never... that's the kind of thing you want to be thinking on a regular basis, huh?

Along those lines, though, I've decided that one of the things I'm going to do differently this year is to actually DO the things that I think about doing, or the things that "I've been meaning to get to." Is it a New Year's resolution, you may ask? No, its just something that I'm going to do from here on out.

And in recognition of that, I posted a bunch of new pictures on my Flickr account. Have a look-see!

Its just gone too far now

So I was driving home on Saturday night, and happened to go past The Torch. One of their readerboard signs says "Gift certificates available"...

Um, so how exactly would you redeem a gift certificate at a bikini/strip bar? Lining up little pieces of paper on the rail? "I know you're used to seeing the real dollar bills down here, but I'd like to redeem these gift certificates -- feel free to stop and make sure they're valid, I'll just stare at your cleavage while you're reading."

On second thought, maybe that's not such a bad idea....